I wouldn’t deny I’m the toxic one when it comes to relationship. Because of course, who would walk
into a relationship when the heart is no
longer capable to love. I like to think I’m better than that, that I could
feel more than that, but after all these years of trying I think I might have
accidentally hurt too many guys with my broken pieces.
I want to admit that I’ve such
strong feelings for a person, and that I accepted this relationship because we
felt the exact same way. My conscious mind understands that if I don’t love at
all, I wouldn’t be dating. Yet the truth is, at the end of the day, my mind still decide that we like it alone,
that we still want to walk this journey alone, to move across the country
alone.
I tell myself that I’m just
temporary, that I don’t want anyone to invest all his emotions on me. I don’t
need anyone to love me during my hard times, I don’t know how to react to that. I am so used to handling all the
emotions myself that having someone there makes me feel unusual, makes me feel
uncomfortable.
So please don’t settle for me, don’t settle for someone like me who is
incapable to love anymore. You deserve a love that cherishes you, who
recognizes how lucky they are to have you in their life and aren’t willing to
let you go without giving it all they have. You deserve more, and not someone
who cannot love whole-heartedly.
