At
the beginning of the year, someone pointed out something that I couldn’t stop
thinking about. She said that throughout my life, I had learned how to be
strong, independent, and self-reliant. Looking back, she wasn’t wrong. I’ve
spent most of my life carrying my own burdens, making my own decisions, and
finding my own way through difficult seasons.
Then
she looked at my name. She smiled and began describing the energy behind
it. Strong-willed. Stubborn. Independent. A person who would rather carry the
weight herself than ask for help. Someone who keeps moving forward no matter
how difficult the road becomes. The she looks right into my eyes and said, “You’re
basically Mulan”. The funny thing was, she wasn’t wrong. That description
felt uncomfortably familiar.
I
had spent most of my life fighting my own battles, solving my own problems and
learning to survive without depending on anyone else. Strength became my
identity. Independence became my comfort zone. But as I listened, a little sigh
came from inside, what if I no longer want to be Mulan? Not because
there was anything wrong with her. She was brave, resilient, she survived. But
I was beginning to wonder if the next chapter of my life required something
different.
So
after 6 months of contemplating, I decided to take her advice to change my
name. Not because I believe a new name would magically change my life, but
because I wanted to change the energy I was carrying into the future. Years
ago, when I changed my phone number, I felt a shift in my life. This felt
similar, a leap of faith, a conscious decision to step into a different
version of myself.
A
version that is softer, more feminine, more open to receiving love, support and
care (hopefully!) My birth name taught me how to survive and thrive in
the business world. But for the first time in a long while, I am no longer
trying to become stronger that I already am. I am learning how to be gentler
with myself.