But I guess we can't always tie everything up neatly with a pretty bow. I'll be okay. I know that. It's not that I don't think I'll love deeply again, because I have. I've go on plenty of dates and seen promising futures in men I truly adored. But expecting to ever feel like us? That's been my undoing. I think this is how I start to get better. I wish I could tell you these things face-to-face. I wish I could show you the scars I have from loving you and glad that there's something for me to held on every now and then, because scars never really heal. I like having pieces of us with me, because you made me so much of what I am today. You gave me so much to believe in, to look forward to, to keep going for.
You weren't just my light at the end of the tunnel, you were the reason to push through the darkness. I wanted to call you the other night just to say, "Happy Birthday", but I couldn't. Because you're not, even if I wish you were. You're not mine to love, you're not mine to tell silly stories, you're not mine to hug and cuddle. I hope it was the best day. Because, honestly? 24 years of existence and knowing you is still the best day.
Originally written, November 3, 2014.