I knew I gave you up sooner than I expect. But what I want you to know is, my feelings for you were wildfire and my desert was without rain. I fell for you almost instantly, you were charming and charismatic. A nice gentleman, the one that made other men insecure and women practically fell at your feet.
You told me in little ways that I was special, because there’s where I let you in, and that’s something hard for me. I admit it wasn't easy for me either, but I tried and I was hoping that you tried harder. Because I still cared, and everything, I still wanted you.
That was the fucked up part. I wanted you to give me some space yet hold me tight at the same time when I am telling you I was feeling insecure. I was breaking down, but when I thought about you, my heart still felt the same. I convinced myself we were soul mates, because there isn't one song so define a true lover except for yours.
I thought your darkness balanced out my light. I thought that you were like pool of rain, like the ocean in your eyes, brought just for me – the color of sky. I wanted to dive into the depths of shallow waters and bathe in your hopes and fears. But I am the dirt, which grows in groves and makes mounds into mountains. Pushing out life and taking away death, molding into anything, but more often the home for life to grow in. Together, we are mud, mud that makes seeds sprout open and creates the green earth. We can make each other grow into anything we want.
You share with me your dreams, and what you wish could be in the future. You share with me about how you wish I could be in your future, but each time you put me into your future, I withdraw a little. I withdraw a little because I couldn't see my future with you. I wasn't there during your darkest hours, and I wasn't ready to let anybody in to my heart; not when it comes when I least expected.
But I broke my rules for you, I open up my heart, I told my heart to give it a chance. Yet, the day when I told you I was freaking out; you accepted my apology and move on immediately. It broke my heart; it broke my heart to know how someone could tell you one week ago that he loves you and move on the next.
What I want most is for you to try, to try to calm my insecurities, to calm my worries, to calm all the useless thoughts that were in me. I don’t want somebody who just continuously ask me how’s my day yet when I tell them my ugliest side, he withdraw faster than I did. You let me know that I was loveable yet too insecure to be together.
I can be the nice girl and be your friend to lend a shoulder when you’re down. I can be your darling that shows you how to enjoy life. I can be your caretaker, and treat you better than any girl who’s been around. I can love you without emotional bounds. I can teach you how to heal your wounds. I can show you how to feel compassion for strangers, enemies and virtually anyone. I can do anything. I am not like those girls who came before me.
But you will never be the guy that once told me that he would be there, because I will not always be the happy cheerful girl you see on the pictures or when I first met you. I don’t need anyone to get me through this, because I am not the girl who needs someone to get me through a day. I won’t tell you I need you, but I was wishing you stay but you left. I hope that you won’t regret when you meet me again one day.
You told me in little ways that I was special, because there’s where I let you in, and that’s something hard for me. I admit it wasn't easy for me either, but I tried and I was hoping that you tried harder. Because I still cared, and everything, I still wanted you.
That was the fucked up part. I wanted you to give me some space yet hold me tight at the same time when I am telling you I was feeling insecure. I was breaking down, but when I thought about you, my heart still felt the same. I convinced myself we were soul mates, because there isn't one song so define a true lover except for yours.
You share with me your dreams, and what you wish could be in the future. You share with me about how you wish I could be in your future, but each time you put me into your future, I withdraw a little. I withdraw a little because I couldn't see my future with you. I wasn't there during your darkest hours, and I wasn't ready to let anybody in to my heart; not when it comes when I least expected.
But I broke my rules for you, I open up my heart, I told my heart to give it a chance. Yet, the day when I told you I was freaking out; you accepted my apology and move on immediately. It broke my heart; it broke my heart to know how someone could tell you one week ago that he loves you and move on the next.
What I want most is for you to try, to try to calm my insecurities, to calm my worries, to calm all the useless thoughts that were in me. I don’t want somebody who just continuously ask me how’s my day yet when I tell them my ugliest side, he withdraw faster than I did. You let me know that I was loveable yet too insecure to be together.
I can be the nice girl and be your friend to lend a shoulder when you’re down. I can be your darling that shows you how to enjoy life. I can be your caretaker, and treat you better than any girl who’s been around. I can love you without emotional bounds. I can teach you how to heal your wounds. I can show you how to feel compassion for strangers, enemies and virtually anyone. I can do anything. I am not like those girls who came before me.
But you will never be the guy that once told me that he would be there, because I will not always be the happy cheerful girl you see on the pictures or when I first met you. I don’t need anyone to get me through this, because I am not the girl who needs someone to get me through a day. I won’t tell you I need you, but I was wishing you stay but you left. I hope that you won’t regret when you meet me again one day.