I don’t know where I'm heading to exactly.
I try my best to lay out a map, to plan, to attempt to unfold my life month by month and smooth out the entire path. But in the end, I'm still left confused. The future would still twist and turn when I least expect it. I’ll end up with different plan, a different road, and I guess this is how life is, somehow.
I realize we can't plan either of those things, even we were told that "your life is in your own hands". This is especially tough, because I'm a controller. I always like to be in-charge. I like knowing where and when, and even the why sometimes. I like having a destination, even if it’s somewhere off in the faraway future. I like imagining where I’ll one day be, setting a point on a map or a goal in my head and aiming for that. Even though the journey has been tough, I still kept an impossible little hope that it will somehow get better in time. But life throws me off balance sometimes.
Not forgetting, along the journey, love will hit out of nowhere, leaving my mind spinning and reeling. Leaving me with confused feelings that shake everything I've believed in, everything I've tried to sketch out in front of me. Love will stop me in my tracks. It makes me feel dizzy and strange, and it will throw me off balance.
And that’s one thing I learned out of love; it’s one thing you can’t plan. It’s the one thing you can’t pinpoint on a map, can’t draw lines to, can’t connect to something tangible or even make sense of it sometimes. It comes when it wants, either creeping up slowly or smacking you right in the face. It messes with your best-laid map, your sincerest intentions. It makes you rethink everything because suddenly you've found something that matters more than yourself.
This is why I am giving up to life, because I can’t control it. Because I can’t plan around it. Because the world is filled with these unknowns, these chances we take for the things and people we care about. So I'm going for it; I'm going all in. I'm acknowledging that love is something I cannot control, that loving someone else could completely destroy me, could create an entirely new life that I didn't ever plan for – but that’s okay. Because I'm taking the chance. Because life is too short to always know where you’re heading to, too short to be afraid to fall, too short to be selfish with your heart. Because somewhere along the journey, I've forgotten that not planning could be exciting and fun. Because love is one of those things you got to just jump into fearlessly without a guidebook or map.
And sometimes, in life, we don’t need a guidebook or map. You just need your heart, your brain and something bigger than your faith than yourself. So, I'm going for it. I'm going all in.
I try my best to lay out a map, to plan, to attempt to unfold my life month by month and smooth out the entire path. But in the end, I'm still left confused. The future would still twist and turn when I least expect it. I’ll end up with different plan, a different road, and I guess this is how life is, somehow.
I realize we can't plan either of those things, even we were told that "your life is in your own hands". This is especially tough, because I'm a controller. I always like to be in-charge. I like knowing where and when, and even the why sometimes. I like having a destination, even if it’s somewhere off in the faraway future. I like imagining where I’ll one day be, setting a point on a map or a goal in my head and aiming for that. Even though the journey has been tough, I still kept an impossible little hope that it will somehow get better in time. But life throws me off balance sometimes.
Not forgetting, along the journey, love will hit out of nowhere, leaving my mind spinning and reeling. Leaving me with confused feelings that shake everything I've believed in, everything I've tried to sketch out in front of me. Love will stop me in my tracks. It makes me feel dizzy and strange, and it will throw me off balance.
This is why I am giving up to life, because I can’t control it. Because I can’t plan around it. Because the world is filled with these unknowns, these chances we take for the things and people we care about. So I'm going for it; I'm going all in. I'm acknowledging that love is something I cannot control, that loving someone else could completely destroy me, could create an entirely new life that I didn't ever plan for – but that’s okay. Because I'm taking the chance. Because life is too short to always know where you’re heading to, too short to be afraid to fall, too short to be selfish with your heart. Because somewhere along the journey, I've forgotten that not planning could be exciting and fun. Because love is one of those things you got to just jump into fearlessly without a guidebook or map.
And sometimes, in life, we don’t need a guidebook or map. You just need your heart, your brain and something bigger than your faith than yourself. So, I'm going for it. I'm going all in.