I’ve always wander if I would ever meet someone and feel butterflies in my tummy the same way I felt for you, because no matter how many times I’ve take the effort to look forward to life, the feelings come back every now and then. And this isn’t suppose to be melodramatic that I question myself again and again if “I’m okay?”. I think this is just something I’ve finally decided to accept, something I’m not going to question any more; because I guess it isn’t something to be solved. Maybe, some things are meant to be just the way they are.
I guess we can’t always tie everything up neatly with a pretty bow. I’ll be okay, I know that. It’s not that I don’t think I’ll ever get to feel again, because I have. Even though I say I’m not going to feel again, I still find myself going on dates. But, execpting to ever feel like us? That’s been my undoing. I think this is how I start to get better. I wish I could tell you these things face to face. I wish I could show you the letters I’ve written for you, those 2 AM thoughts and glad that there’s something for me to held on every now and then, because darkness is something I fell in love with again and again. I like having pieces of us with me, because you made me so much of what I am today. You gave me so much to believe in, to smile at, to look forward to, to feel.
You weren’t my light at the end of the tunnel, you were the light in the tunnel, now that you left I find myself in darkness again. I wanted to call you tonight just to say, “Happy Birthday”, but I couldn’t, Because you’re not, even if I wish you were. You’re not mine to tell silly stories and throw chairs at like we used to. I hope it was the best day. Because, honestly? 250 days into 2016 and knowing you was the best.
You weren’t my light at the end of the tunnel, you were the light in the tunnel, now that you left I find myself in darkness again. I wanted to call you tonight just to say, “Happy Birthday”, but I couldn’t, Because you’re not, even if I wish you were. You’re not mine to tell silly stories and throw chairs at like we used to. I hope it was the best day. Because, honestly? 250 days into 2016 and knowing you was the best.