'Almost'

Sometimes, the memories of me falling in love have turned to a heartbroken drama in my head. I almost remember how it felt to hold someone and never want to let them go. I almost remember how we used to say we were meant to be. I almost remember what it was to feel like I shared a single mind with someone. Emphasis on the almost.

Love was so long ago that I sometimes feel as if it may never come my way again. Most days, I don’t think about it too much. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life. I have a job that allows me to express myself, I have friends to hangout with and I get to eat really good food whenever I feel like it. On weekends, I do what I want, without having to constantly check back with someone. Oh, and every year of Valentine’s Day, I get to make sarcastic jokes about becoming an old lady. You know, just regular single people things.

But some days, it weighs on me. I’ll feel like a whole load of memories come flashing back on me thinking about those almost relationships, and flings and where they went wrong. I’ll think about how nice it would be it our story roll on until today. I’ll wander if I’ll ever meet anyone like that again, most importantly, I will wander if I will ever open up my heart to feel again.

I’ll watch my single friends all slowly walking into relationships one after another and find myself amazed at how easily it comes for them. How is it that they can find a new half every year when I’m having trouble trying to let go of something that didn’t work (at all?). People say that falling in love is like taking a leap of faith. You fall into an unknown territory with someone, and you don’t know if you’ll come out of it alive or brokenhearted. But what they don’t say is that being single is like that too.