I used to believe everything people told me; especially about
themselves. I used to believe my intuition, my judgment, my gut and I used to
see the best in people. I still do. The
difference is now, I’m always wrong. I always regret my decisions now. Now it’s
hard for me to give my heart away to anyone because I’ve met people who said
they are going to stay, people who said they cared, people who could changed
their minds just overnight. They
disappeared overnight, they move on with someone else overnight and it left me
a little unsettled. A little less hopeful. A little less optimistic and a lot
more guarded.
Now it’s even harder for me to open up on my deepest thoughts because
I heard they start spreading around everyone. Now it’s hard for me to be
hopeful because people make me cynical. I still don’t understand how someone
can go from texting you every day to not texting you at all and not explaining
why. I still don’t understand how someone can decide to drop you without giving
you a valid reason. I still don’t understand how people lie to your face
assuming you will never find out the truth.
Yet, I still trust, I still believe, I still hope because I haven’t
met everyone. I haven’t met the right one. I haven’t been surrounded by people
who I naturally blend in with. I’m always trying too hard. I’m always trying to
fit in. I’m always making excuses just to hold on because I hate losing people.
But now I’m learning that maybe it’s
better to lose people and make room for better ones. I’m learning to fill the
empty spaces with people who don’t make me regret being who I am or share my
personal stories. I’m learning to fill the empty spaces with people who teach
me how to trust again and how to love without holding back.
It’s not that I don’t trust people, I’ve just been trusting the wrong ones.
It’s not that I stopped believing people, I’m just learning to pick
people who tell the truth instead of the ones who constantly lie.