I’m
really bad at dating. Well, I’m good at the chatting part for a bit, but I’m
not so good at sticking it out for longer than the second I realize he’s not
the one. I have difficulty understanding how other people manage to date people
they know they aren’t going to share their lives with. I’m not sure if that
even felt nice to have someone in your life because to me having the wrong
person in life doesn’t add to it – it takes from it.
I
don’t have much patience in life. I don’t like pretending like I enjoy spending
time with someone when the truth is I’d rather be spending it with myself,
alone. Everyone tries to convince me that it’s nice to have someone to talk to
and support you when you can’t think things through. But, I can also just
create imaginary people, which are more or less the same, because at the end of
the day, it’s still my thought I have to convince to let go and move on.
What’s
worse is that I don’t really care what the person thinks of me, so I don’t
bother to dress myself to impress or even use a filter. At the end of the day,
I know I’m just going to walk away anyway. My life will suddenly becomes so
busy sitting at home; with the excuses I don’t even need an effort to create;
working late, going to Singapore, going to Penang, going to a concert, going
for birthday parties, going to be busy for the rest of the day, everyday of the
week it’s just too busy!
Sometimes
you’re just too stress to hold unto it, sometimes it ends you, most time you
ends them. Even though you are happy things ended and maybe even happy with all
that the relationship has taught you, the inevitable realization will dawn on you:
you are once again alone. The thought of wondering if your life isn’t worth
having someone to stick with, no one knows, but dating the wrong person for a
while allowed you to ignore the fact. Now it’s staring you in the face.