You
look at me as if I have lost my mind. You want to know if some other guy is in
the picture. I let you know that there was never anyone else. Just that it
takes a little longer for me to learn to open up again to someone who wishes to
come close. My heart was broken and was set on a different path; with no
intention of having someone new again. You
wouldn’t understand the complication. But don’t worry, because I am still
trying to figure the whole thing myself.
Most
of the time I runaway, I run to beautiful places to get lost. The butterflies
that I get in my stomach when I wake up in a new city are the same butterflies
I used to get when I still have feelings. As I look ahead, the sun rising over
the horizon, I am in unfamiliar territory. I feel a sense of freedom when I
step off that plane. I want to explore new places, watch busy people walk pass
on busy streets or experience the hospitality of locals. I don’t want the same old story, the story where everyone knows where
it’d go.
I
don’t know when this happened but I do know my feelings of wanderlust are
stronger than my feelings to someone. I don’t feel insecure in my wanderlust. I
don’t feel unsure, or doubt myself and the decisions that I am choosing to
make. I feel a burden lifting off my shoulders. I sense my life changing for
the better. I truly feel free. I am becoming the woman that I always wanted to
be. My heart no longer leaps for someone.
I lust for wonder. I lust for adventure.
I have a wandering heart that is not going to settle anytime soon.
For
now, I am carving out new memories and writing a new chapter for myself.