In
the most mundane moment, I remember you. Remember what you said, what you did,
and how much you used to mean to me. And if I could bring myself to admit it,
how much you continue to. It may be as random as driving on the road and your
voice rings in my ears. Sharing with me about your day in the way that never
failed to make me smile. Telling me how you cannot wait to make plans with me, making
me giddy with excitement.
I
find myself smiling at something funny you said and it’s not until moments
later that I realize you are no longer here. I draw in a sharp breath as the
pang of nostalgia hits me hard. I shake my head as if to clear the thoughts of
you away. And I tell myself not to think of the past. I’m doing fine, I’m okay without
you.
In
the quietest instance, I remember you. In the crack of dawn or during the deep,
long night. When I think of you just because I miss you. When something amazing
happens, and you are the first person I want to share the good news with. Or
something devastating happens, and I long to hear your voice smoothing me and
telling me that it’s all going to be okay. And
then, when I remember you are no longer around and reality sinks in, I feel as
though I just lost you all over again.