I
opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost.
The rest of my life might turned out differently if I had. But it didn’t.
There were words I wish I could get them out from my throat but I swallow them
instead, there were thoughts I wish I could take them off my mind, there are
burdens I wish I could get them off my shoulders. But all my life, I opened my
mouth and swallowed them back in me.
I have days where I can be the
superwoman, and days where I don’t trust any of the things I trusted yesterday.
I haven’t unpacked my life, attended the meeting I’m supposed to, reply to the
overdue mails and/or even looked at my phone. Everyone might have seen lots of
cool photos of me getting that award on stage or being behind the mic for that
interview – but what I didn’t want anyone to know was that all these things are
done so that I can hold my shit together and prevent them from breaking apart.
I wake up every morning before 7:30 as I
lay in bed restless – done sleeping but not ready to be awake and take the
world, so I just closed my eyes and cuddled another bear. I ran into a person I’ve
met and he had to say my name 3 times before I heard him. I didn’t want to eat
anything, do anything and my energy is pretty much drained before I even have
anything to begin with. I don’t want to have any human interaction, not even
one.
There
were days where I could put on the mask and play the superwoman, but now there
are only days where my muscle are not filled with energy to have anything to
begin with.
