Growing up is too much. These were
the exact words in my head. Growing up is normal, but it also sucks, you have
to do so many things on your own. You have to understand the ins and outs of
language that goes over your head. You have to put on this face of, ‘yeah, I totally
know what I’m doing’, when inside you’re having a complete and total meltdown.
The
hardest part about growing up is that it happens so slowly, so gradually, yet
the outside world expects it to happen overnight. You’re supposed to graduate
from college and suddenly know how the world is supposed to function. And most
of the time, you’re sitting there, ringing your hands, minutes from bawling
like a baby, nodding your head like you understand. Because you’re supposed to,
right?
Growing up sucks. There’s no
doubt about it, you suddenly have to fend for yourself in a world that’s not
always looking out for you. You have to make decisions that you’re not ready to
make. You have to watch people around you struggle and triumph and win and lose
and you’re somewhere in the mix, trying to find some stable ground to stand on.
Growing up means watching your parents get older, it means losing people in
your life. It’s stepping into roles you never thought you could, but somehow
finding the strength to continue forward and up.
Growing
up is in so many ways like running in circles. As soon as you master one thing,
there’s something else that needs your attention and as much as you feel you’re
getting somewhere, sometimes you just feel lost. It sucks .But it’s the reality
of life. And as much as I hate adulating, I’m still going for it. One.step.at.atime.
I’m
going to put my fears behind me and inch forward. I’m going to be patient. I’m
going to trust who I am and where I’m headed. I’m going to stop thinking about
where I fall short and focus on where I am going. And it won’t all fall into
place. I won’t suddenly have all the answers or feel like a new person. I’ll
still have tough days. I’ll still have unanswered questions. I’ll still fall
short and fall down and start over and get frustrated.
But
I’ll survive. One step at a time. And by the end of the year, we’ll look back
on the younger self stressed out phase and laugh, because we made it to another
end and I’ll continue to fight towards a better ending each time.
