There’s a stack of wedding invitations waiting for me to
attend one after another since June. I attend weddings after weddings where I
stood and witness when the new
couple walks in together and right into another phase of their lives.
I have been invited to celebrate Happily Ever After one after another; and I never turn down any of them.
The monthly Zodiac appeared on my tweets few days back
reminding me on the things I should keep track of for the coming month of
September. You have loads of resentment
and ill feelings towards particular events from your past. You swore that you
have gotten over these things, and they don’t haunt you anymore. But this is far from the truth.
My designer texted me the month before saying she’s filing
for her divorce; and that she is very persisting on this matter. But a week
before this, she vow on Facebook that she’s all happy again that he’s back
again with her newly wed husband. I can’t believe where life has been trying to
take us to; and I’m always happy to listen, happy to see people happy. It’s not
like I didn’t know they’re back together, that her social media feed was
starting to be dates with the same ole’ faces.
And another friend’s daughter pining after her teenaged
love; not waiting for anyone to come back, not saying “I’m not going to text
him back this time”, only to end up in his arms on the off chance he throws her
a silver of attention. Instead, she’s found someone stable. Someone sure.
Someone whose love looks less like chaos and more like consistency. And she’s
happy, really, really happy. And when someone is happy and wants to shout out
their happiness, we do it together and I soak in her happiness, and say things
like, “You deserve to be loved like this”. And I mean it.
Everyone is happy in a relationship. Everyone is finding
their happiness, their stability, their next step of life. Everyone is finding
their person when all I want to do is to be my own. Everyone is falling in
love, and I’m not sure how that’s supposed to feel. My dad calls me a failure
when I can’t get myself into a relationship; but I always brush it off with a
sarcasm or a joke.
One of my friend is going through motherhood as a single
mother. It was sudden, there isn’t a definitive reason behind why it’s over.
They are in that floating state of uncertainty that comes from having your life
flipped with no warning; almost like going from “we” to “me”. From losing
something that was supposed to be constant. From being alone for the first time
in what feels like forever.
They tell me they’re done. That they’re going to be single.
That they will be content being single. That
they will be like me. But what they didn’t know is that soon, they won’t be
single. Soon, they won’t be alone. Soon, they’ll be falling in love again. So,
they won’t be like me at all.