I may have forgotten what it’s like to care for someone. I
forgot what it’s like to forgive myself, my mistakes, and let go of the past. I
never learned the art that sometimes beautiful things end, and that messy is a
beautiful kind of mess.
I’ve learned how to be alone. I learned how to wake up in
the middle of the bed. I learned how to calm those tears when I wake up in the
middle of the night crying my eyes out. I am slowly learning what it means to
be less human, to not give out my heart so much only to have it broken. I am learning
to put my broken pieces back together again.
But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be, in
this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I
can only experience it. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel
through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that comes with loving
and living and breaking. I am trying to get used to being heartless so I wouldn’t
wake up in the middle of the night crying my heart out over a guilty feel.