I have learned to listen to my own voice first before
listening to anyone. I have learned to understand my own thoughts and where
they’re coming from. I have to be the one who finds the answers instead of
asking someone else for them. I have to do my own research before calling for
help. I need to give myself the wake up call when I’m lost. I have to be the
one who searches inside and outside for the truth, the passion and where it
belongs.
I have learned to
save myself. I have mend my own broken heart but what I was never taught was
that I need to finally learn to let someone into my life and let someone hold
the pen so we could both write our story together. I have to break my own
walls with the truth instead of living underneath those memories. I have to
leave certain people behind, let go of those who done me wronged in the past
and walk away from the people I once loved. I have to knock some sense into
myself and force myself to move on, to stop waiting, to stop wondering, to stop
questioning.
I have to convince myself that I deserve better. I have to
stop finding comfort in being alone and start letting the walls down. I have to
learn how to be okay with wanting things people won’t understand and having
dreams no one believes in. I’ve to finally learn that sometimes I’m going to be
the only person in the room who sees things differently, who aspires to live a
different life and to fight my way to an exit even if I do not know how to get
there.
Because at the end of the day, no one would know who I
really am when the masks fall off, no one would see what I see, no one would
feel what I feel and no one would know what kept me up all night. But I have to
learn to let someone hold my hand in the dark again because I know the day will come if I let someone in, but
until now, I still couldn’t find the keys to the padlock heart.
