3 AM and Breaking Apart

The past few nights have been haunting me a-lot, it’s in the middle of the night, everyone lights are out and I was awaken by a haunted thought, my pillow is all soaked up, I have an unending running nose and tears from my eyes that just won’t stop flowing. It could have been triggered from a dream or a thought, I can’t tell the difference anymore. There’re million reasons piling up for this, and I couldn’t find a reason to stop. Each night the feeling of wanting to leave becomes stronger where I have to find reasons after reasons to convince myself to stay.

I remind myself that crying is a sign of weakness, how could I not? After everything that has happened, everything that I’ve been through, being weak is the last thing I want to be. I’ve been brave all along, and I’m still learning to be proud of myself. If I can survive all the shit life has thrown at me, I can survive this one night, and many nights that follow.

I remind myself that I am a volcano. There are times when I had enough and I just want to explode and be done with it; but volcanoes don’t erupt all the time, not even the active one. I tell myself that if I were up late and crying, there must be something serious about it. Stuff like this is too little to break me apart, I am strong enough to take on the challenges of life.