I won’t carry all the baggage I’ve been so
prone to holding on my back – all of the
mistakes, all the almosts and all the hurts. I won’t keep beating myself up
over all the things about me that aren’t perfect. I will convince myself that I
am worthy of love and even happiness. I won’t allow past voices to ring in my
ear echoing all of my shortcomings- and if they do show up, I will learn to
drown them out, I will learn to not believe them.
I won’t try to create distance between
myself and someone I know I could truly fall for because I have the habit of
believing that I don’t deserve real love or that the love being shown to me
will only result in heartbreak and devastation. I won’t disconnect my emotions
from the rest of me and pretend to care less than I do- I will use my hands to
hold on tight instead of pushing away someone who truly wants to love me.
This year
I will learn not only to let someone into my life but also allow myself to be loved by myself.
I won’t look into the mirror and point out every flaw that I can find. I won’t
tear myself down every single time I don’t do things the way I should have, but
will give myself grace and another chance to try again – just like I would do
for someone else I loved with my entire being.
I will celebrate the victories
and the moments I’m proud of, without feeling ashamed or like I should overlook
them.
I will allow myself to be loved, and to
trust it, even when the very idea terrifies me to my bones. Not because I
believe love will solve all my problems, but because I know that love requires
trust and honesty – and if I refuse to include those aspects then the love will
truly unravel the way I expect it to. I will allow myself to be loved and
believe in it the way it seems to believe on me.
I will learn to love myself more; for I
know that I had been harsh on myself throughout these years.
