Hey God, are you there? I have been sleepless from some bad coughs for the past one week. It’s
dark outside, and I was craving for some daylight where the air is warmer and
my heart can take it better. I can’t control the thoughts running in my head, I
can’t even feel them, my mind tells me I’m a fool, and that I am going to die
alone 50 years down the road.
My heart tells me this is what will
happen when you leave home and move across a different country. I need an
answer, if my decision was right, if moving across a country is what I had been
looking for. I know when life says the best things always come unexpected, I
know there’s a timing for everything, but this unhealthy body is not what I can
withstand anymore.
How could this be good for me? How
can this pain, this fear, this storm rising be for my own benefit? I know I
need to have a leap of faith, to just believe that in this darkness there will
be light, that I can be healthy again. I kept tossing and turning, my anxiety
is telling me there is no hope, and my heart is just too weak after a night of
cough.
But each time I tell myself, when I
open up my eyes again, it will be the morning, and the light is coming into the
room, and my heart would feel warmer, and I will feel better than I did the
night before. I will be healthy again today.