“You seem matured for your age” –
Stranger
“Ohmygod! I thought you were the
older sibling” – Friends
"You sound like you're in your 60s" - Random Phone Caller
"You sound like you're in your 60s" - Random Phone Caller
I get that alot when I’m out
socializing with people. But know that I am not born that way, I am not born
with an old soul and/or ancient heart. I was just being forced to grow up
quickly. I was put in an age-inappropriate circumstances and I had to learn to
do the age-inappropriate stuffs. I need to regain control of my own lives, and
the only way to do is to age faster than the years go by.
I learn a few things about the world
when I go through waves of unspeakable suffering throughout the journey. I
learn that I cannot control other people, but I can control myself. I learn
that money is freedom, therefore I prioritize it. I learn that people respond
to those they respect, so it has become my mission to make myself as
intelligent and capable as possible.
I know that all these happen because
I went through a lot of pain – especially, if not almost entirely, which is
inflicted by others – I realize that when I am self-sufficient, I cannot be
controlled. If I create physical space around myself, I also create a barrier.
If I am taking care of myself, I don’t have to fear that someone else will or
won’t. Because what hurts more than absolutely anything else is when we at once
cannot live with, and yet cannot live without, the people who are causing us
the most pain.
I learn that people don’t mature
quickly because they want to boring and serious and focused. They matured
quickly because being a self-sustaining adult is the ultimate freedom. It
unshackles from needing to rely on undependable people. It frees from their
control. It means walking away if you need to walk away. It means having a say
on your own life. It’s the ability to
choose for yourself.
