I should be happy, right? I should be optimistic, I should be ecstatic, that
I met someone who could make me look forward in life again, that my heart could
actually still flutters, that I could actually feel butterflies in me each time
we talks. At the same time, I’m afraid. I’m
afraid that my feelings aren’t genuine, I’m afraid that he isn’t genuine. I’m afraid that he would withdraw all of
the sudden and I would hit the floor again and had to go through another broken
heart, another almost relationship!
It has been 3 years since I’ve dated someone with feelings. It’s been so
long since my heart starts to beat again. And then you came along, I knew I was
looking but you still came along without warning. He came along and changed
something inside of me. I was given hope. My heart was given a chance again,
that maybe after all, I would have a
chance to love again.
He didn’t find me in darkness, he found me now at my happiest moment of
life, that’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid that when he walks away, I would
tremble and fall back into darkness. It took me years to get out of depression
and I’m afraid to fall into them again. I’m scared, I don’t know what to do. I
knew if our conversation continues to roll on, I would start to fall for you,
but I’m afraid. That’s why after all these years I never gone into a
relationship after going on dates. And I don’t open up myself enough to those
little secrets.
I am one person who is always clear on what’s going on in life but
not to my own feelings. I just knew that after all those conversation,
I felt different about you. A feeling that I had not felt in a long time.