On most nights, I look at my own life and think there isn’t anything
major that needs readjustment, except for the part that I want to try leaving
abroad. I’m not as unhappy as the previous years, and things are going well for
me. I am more mature (?) more successful (?) more confident (?) I thought I might have grown into a much
better person.
But I still struggle to get out of bed each day and regret almost
immediately after making plans with someone; I don’t think I’m depressed. But I
don’t feel the happiness either. As soon as the high is over, I’m back at
square one, feeling all bleh, feeling okay, feeling fine.
I don’t want to live with fine and it
isn’t enough! On
most days, I want to live a live that excites me, a life I can be proud of. I
don’t want to keep feeling like this – balancing between happy and sad. I know
I stood at the crossroad myself, because this is so much better than being depressed.
But I kept working, I kept working towards authentic happiness.
I want to be excited about life, about meeting people, about getting
excited over life! I want to feel like I have a purpose. Most importantly, I
want to wake up everyday feeling happy!