We existed in the strange in-between
of the possible and the probable. It was in the unsaid, in the expected, in the
logical next steps. People around knows our existence but does not know us
personally yet. It’s only a matter of
time. We dated became we almost
dated; almost doesn’t count for much. Almost doesn’t bridge the gap from
not quite to yes.
When we almost date someone, it’s
not because I’m only doing things by halves. We are still not fully open to one
another, and we are still not fully sure about what the other half feels. Maybe
we know how they feel but you still hold back there, because that’s human
nature, isn’t it. We want to protect our hearts, we’re afraid of handing them
over too readily and too soon.
At first I thought all I need is
time to date someone again, and I thought I wouldn’t remember the little things
that has happened around our dates. I thought I wouldn’t remember how we
started and how I convince myself to give my heart a chance to feel again. The
truth is, I thought my mind would keep pushing those who tries to come close to
the heart but it didn’t. And I was conscious that it was exactly 2 years ago
today, I convinced myself to give this heart a chance but timing and chemistry
didn’t exploded it right.