I lose interest in the things I used to love and sometimes I just want
to hide away until these feelings pass. I sometimes want to live on the wild side for a
while, going on adventures and forget about the responsibilities I had over my
shoulder. Or, I wish I could have someone to cuddle under the blankets and
swallow me whole until I disappear into darkness. Most times, I feel as though I
can’t fully grasp anything: the thoughts that swirl around in my brain or the
emotions that tug at my heart. I may feel like things are fleeting; one second
I’m all energetic and passionate about life and the next second I regretted
that decision my extrovert-self made.
It feels as if I’m here, but I’m not really here anymore. It’s almost as if my mind decided to
pack up and move on but no one told the body yet! Maybe I’m simply too tired
that I can’t even imagine moving my body but the mind just simply relaxed. Or
maybe I’m just simply numb and I’ve gotten used to the idea of numbness. Or maybe I have changed so much throughout
the years that I’m used to this lifestyle. That newness can be addicting, as
can the idea of rebelling against myself.
Leading a new life or pretending to
be someone I’m not can be intoxicating since it allows the mind to escape;
escape from the issues or run away from the world for a bit.