October Haunts me the Most!

I don’t know why it’s October, if there’s something about this month that makes me think more than any others. There are no significant events, no milestones to mark in October. But for some reason, it’s this month where those memories will creep back into my mind far more often than usual. It’s been so long now that I’m good at pushing it away; when I think of it or remember it’s existence because his name will pop out from Social Media more often.

But October, October makes it hard to do that. I forget that things weren’t good when you miss somebody. It’s the human condition to want to remember only the happy things and forget about the bad ones. Maybe I miss you in October because fall seasons means falling all over again, it always has and it always will. I walked pass the place we first dine in, it’s impossible not to think about you when I’m there, considering you were the first one that made me love cafes.

I have to push it away more in October. I miss you, and I hate myself for it. Those relationships that came and went all ended in October because it was then I realize I can’t even have anything to begin with. This happens to me all the time, when relationships are going well, I thought of you all over again. I try to chase you out of my mind, and I don’t want to go around breaking hearts because I’m insecure myself.

I can’t tell if it’s you anymore, because every October, I find myself learning to let go of things all over again. But there’s still a little part of October memories that I carry inside of me, and I'm glad that today is the last day of October, so those thoughts could stop haunting me. Happy Halloween!