We Don’t Commit Anymore, But We Keep Getting Our Hearts Broken Anyway

I may have been single my entire lives, but it has not been all that long since my last heartbreak. I might be still healing from an almost relationship, a summer story. I am searching for a closure, an answer to the chapter. I am struggling to move on from an old love like we were dumped, even though there was no label. I stopped commiting myself into a serious relationship – but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have our hearts broken.

The logic behind modern dating does not make sense anymore, we avoid relationships because we are worried about wearing our hearts on our sleeves, acting vulnerable, expressing interest. We are a generation of skeptics who are terrified of getting cheated on, led on or abandoned. Our biggest fear is allowing someone to get close to us and having them hurt us in the end.

The truth is, I am still getting all of the pain of a relationship without any of the benefits. I avoid committing because I am trying to protect myself from heartache – but it doesn’t make a difference because our hearts are breaking anyway. I spend months and years finding the right words to express over someone who probably couldn’t even get my name right or wish us a Happy Birthday or uttered those three little words. Sometimes, a little jealousy and uncertainty would appear after looking at someone’s love story. Yet we guard ourselves over the good stuff!

I need to finally convince myself not to run away from feelings, to distance myself as soon as someone tries to come close. I need to finally understand that being single isn’t going to protect my heart from being broken because at the end of the day, whether or not we are in a relationship, our heart gets shattered anyway.