The Sad Reality

I tend to push away the people who try to step into my life and make a conscious effort in not letting them break the wall I built for my own reasons. I am not sure if I was afraid of human connection; it’s not always the dark or reptiles that I am most afraid of, most of the times I’m scared of exposing the vulnerable sides, the monster that I’ve become and the emotions that I would have to raise up once again.

Because as simple as having a new person in my life sounds, and no matter how pure or genuine this stranger’s feelings towards me is, letting someone in is just as terrifying as letting someone go because both requires the same amount of strength. I push people away because frankly, I have my standards high up; and even though I know no one in the world is perfect but I was hoping that he could at least reach the minimum criteria I have put off lower and again.

Or maybe I push people away because I’m not yet ready. Maybe the thought of having an emotional attachment to someone new still frightens me, and maybe that’s how it will always be. And/or maybe we slow them down not just because we don’t want to take sudden risks but also because we appreciate the beauty in falling slowly. I secretly hope that in the mid of pushing people away they would make an effort to stay. Because that’s when I’m the weakest – that’s when I need you most desperately.