One
night after coming back from dinner with my friends, I sat on my favorite chair
looking out to the city skyline feeling lonely. I thought I just had a happy
gathering with jokes, laughter and good food but I realize that I always felt
more lonely after that.
It’s
always so strange and alienating when I get a peek into someone’s else life and
see how they do things differently than me, isn’t it? They’re always talking
about improving their lives, about moving in as a couple, anniversaries,
celebrations and so much more. But I felt the most lonely when I’m supposed to be feeling a connection.
That’s
far more isolating than eating dinner alone or going to the movies alone.
Because those are my own choices, and I already expected that I am doing all
these activities alone. I put aside my
boring schedule to socialize and I ended up feeling more disconnected than I
started. And it isn’t supposed to happen, that’s why, for me, life has the ability to wound me more
when I’m outside and doing social activities than it does when I’m alone in my
bedroom.
The
truth is, it’s my depression that makes me feel lonely.