I don’t come off as needy, and I
sometimes crave for personal time to be alone with my thoughts. Maybe I have
not got use to having someone in my life, that sometimes I still want to talk
to my Atticus-Memory when life closes
down on me. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that happiness can happen to
me, that I’m always on the lookout to see if something is going to hit me hard
even when it’s all going well. I’m afraid
that happiness would slip away from my hand while holding on to it.
I constantly feel drained from the
intensity of my mind that never stops throwing a tornado of thoughts at me. I
wish there was an off-button but there’s not. I know it’s hard for me to really
feel, but I’m thankful that this time he did not withdraw from the story. And
even after repeating myself for the tenth time, he listens each time like it’s
the first. I finally find someone who stays no matter how many time I tries to push
him apart, and deep down I know he’s a keeper. I just need to convince myself that I have to finally let someone in.