Then it finally comes the time where we decide if we should take the leap of faith and start labeling the friendship. I was reluctant, I was certain that I am working my way out yet I go back and forth on the moments that felt right with him. I’m afraid of being push into darkness again but I was more anxious if I might accidentally hurt him. I’ve been dodging being in a relationship all these time so that I can ensure that no one gets hurt in the end.
But deep down I know those are just lies I tell myself because even at my most independent I can grow on reliant with someone, I can open up my vulnerability and share the weigh over my shoulder. On some days I’m afraid that I might lose myself and most days I discovers new part of myself in his eyes, his arms and reassurance.
I’m still learning to let someone discover me even when I’m not ready. I’m still learning how to be in a relationship again, how to feel comfort of someone close to my body and heart. I’m still learning I don’t have to be alone to be safe, I can be safe in his arms too.
I’m learning what it is like to be emotionally available and who I am when my soul is joined with another.