When someone drowns me with
affection, when he make me feel beautiful, valued and seen, I wonder if that’s what people sugarcoat in a
relationship. It’s hard for me to remember what healthy communication looks
like. I’m afraid I would ruin another relationship, another heart with all my
broken pieces. I wouldn’t say the past relationship was a toxic one because, maybe I’m the toxic one. I may have
broken more hearts than I realize, that I shouldn’t be in a relationship and I
guess this is why I rewire my brain not to feel anymore, to ensure I don’t
repeat the past mistakes, to ensure I am not the villain in the next chapter.
It may be hard for me to see the
light again, to believe there are good people in this world and I need to
remind myself that I shouldn’t put people in the way I felt about love. Because
this isn’t the way love is being define, this isn’t the way love should be. And
I need to stop hurting another kind soul.