I’m broken and I may have forgotten how to let someone in. I need to take
the pace slower than usual even though my friends has warned me about my age.
I can’t rush the beginnings, I
needed time to take down my wall piece by piece, layer after later. I will tell
you about the little insignificant things first, and see if you’re worth being
a friend. I will listen to your side of the stories too and laugh at your
jokes; I will tell you tiny bits of who I am, so that we begin to really
understand each other. I won’t be tender and I might just walk away before
things get serious. I cannot promise I can always be honest and let you in because I’m full
of stories I won’t speak of.
But I won’t play games and I would
not always tell you what’s in my mind and what I need. I’ve always known that there is a graveyard on my mouth fill with
words that have died on my lips. I can’t promise to love you the way you
love me and that I would change myself completely for you. On certain days, I
might even put up layers around my heart not because I don’t trust you but
something trigger the painful parts of my past.
I know that you’re afraid to lose
that little bit of me that you’ve right now and that you would stand by me,
support me and fight for me. But I’m broken pieces of glass who look and act
like I have it all together. But the
people who appear to have it all together are the ones who have the most
layers. I don’t want to be the villain in another person chapter, I don’t
want to hurt anyone with my broken pieces, and I especially don’t want anyone
to feel what I’d felt in a thousand years.
In this world of superficial love, of temporary love, of surface love, I cannot promise that you’ll get all of me, that I will not push you away on my bad days or even believe in real love again. I know you said you’ll not walk away, but I cannot guarantee I can treat you the way you treated me. Because I don’t even trust that my own heart would not hurt anyone again.
