Even though I gave you a glimpse of
the real bit of me, but there’re still the truths that I never let anyone
discover about me. I put it in a way that makes someone think they know all of
me in order for them to not dig my life further. I’m the girl who never let
anyone into the real and vulnerable side of me, I never let anyone, or anything
or love get to me again. I sometimes laughs at young love and the
youngsters who believe in happily ever after.
But then I get frustrated over
myself that I never open my heart again, not even a dream or wish that I could
have a deep connection with someone that I could wish to last for life. To
imagine the days we grow old together, taking pleasure from the mundane that we
are then left with. I just thought that I’m
young, I’m free and I’m not tied to anything for the rest of my life. I still
have a whole life ahead of me, I remind myself and when the stress creeps in, I
still want to be carrying on with my life alone
despite all else.
I ask myself when it is possible
that I wouldn’t need much but could just understand what it’s like to live life
to the fullest, to have no regrets, to
look into someone’s eyes and without a single word, feel that connection that’s only felt by two loving, self-aware humans.
And that’s the one thing I could not assure you because to me, it’s still quite
a puzzle. I am not sure if I needed more time, patience and perhaps more time to live this life at my
own pace, to be okay and ready, and make the most of my being human.
But this is one thing I want to tell
you is to not invest all your feelings into me, not when I’m still doubting myself.