I always thought that all I need is
time to finally let my guard down, to finally be able to see the light in
someone’s eyes again, to stare at a smile that makes me feel so comforting and
looking forward to make memories together. I thought I would one day believe
that love exists.
But I can’t, and it just feels like
the more time we spend together, the more suffocated I feel. I’ve been feeling
that I never have a second to myself. I find myself looking for excuses on why
I can’t hold onto a relationship anymore, that I keep giving myself reasons
after reasons to stay, but my conscious mind know that it’s all a lie. That the
truth is, each time I find happiness, he was never in the picture.
I find myself hoping that he would
ends this relationship so that I do not have to be the villain in the story, again. I
dream of the day where I can be single again, I dream of the day where I no
longer have to put on the mask and go on dates after dates. I know deep down
inside it isn’t because of the past relationship, but that’s how I was build.
It isn’t that I’m not brave enough
to love again, but I don’t want anyone to waste all their time and effort on
one thing that would never have a Happily Ever After.