I wish I was wired differently

I always knew I was a tough one to crack. I was quiet, intellectual and enjoyed the comfort of my own space. In the beginning, I don’t seem to mind having you around because you’re always so distant that I’ve all the time in the world to be me and get to know someone at the same time. I was comfortable. I thought to myself how perfect this was going to be, finally someone who could let me completely be myself in a relationship, who doesn’t wait up for me in life.

I was excited to know a little more about him, and I convince myself to take the leap of faith. I convince myself that maybe I’ve found someone who finally puts his career before relationship so that we can both have the same values and beliefs in life. But I was naïve, I was wrong about myself in a relationship, I told myself day after day that people gets in a relationship to be happy except for me.

I knew you wanted me to be the girl you take on the future, to travel the world with, to share your life with and/or to raise the kids with. But this is where it all goes wrong, I know I couldn’t be and I know that there isn’t going to have one thing that is going to change my mind. I wish I was wired differently. And if this is going to be me for the rest of my lives, I would have to prioritize my happiness over anything, because the truth is, I’ve not been happy since we get in a relationship.