I’m almost 30, but I hope I never rush myself to anything because of time. I hope I don’t take the leap of faith because I think if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it, because I don’t want to be looking back in my life and regretting that I fall for the wrong person and settle because of culture and peer pressure. I want to remind myself that love is the only thing I can’t rush, it’s the only thing I can’t force.
I know my time is slipping, I’ve wasted so much time in my twenties rejecting dates and unwilling to commit, but I also try to convince myself that I don’t have to match society’s life or dream that I may have forgotten my own. I know time shouldn’t be the main factor that navigates my life, and that I should not rush myself into making major life decisions but I also shouldn’t be not making decisions at all. I’ve deferred my education, career and relationships decisions throughout my twenties, and now that it’s coming to an end, I am starting to freak out a little, and I wonder if I ever truly lived, have I wasted the past decade dodging my life only to find out that I’ve been zombified all these time.
At least I learn to enjoy the little moments in life, I learn to find my strength and wisdom after every heartbreak and I learned to give myself a break from life instead of quitting. I know I shouldn’t be comparing my time with others but I hope I finally learned to take up my own responsibility and making my own decision, to truly lived.