I’ve always been the girl who enjoys
dating without the labels and/or commitments to one person not because I want
to cheat, just so that my mind would not
calculate the risk of falling into darkness again. I often look at women
with their beautiful body features, carrying a child in her with the love of
her life with awe and admiration. Yet I couldn’t do a single thing out of the
12 Things for a Basic Relationships.
I sometimes imagine if my numb heart
would ever learn to open up to another human being again, to let him stand by
my side on my best and worst days, who’d laugh at my dumb jokes, to speak so
openly about anything and everything. But then I remember I have had that... just
that I’ve forgotten what it is like to open up my heart again.
But with this said… there must be a
reason why I get lost in the words of love poetries. A reason that whenever I
meet an elderly couple I insist on hearing the full tale of how they met. Because
I’m trying, I’m trying to find the keys to my padlock heart, that there’s a part of me that longs to give and receive love. A part of
me that, although may have forgotten, is still capable of connecting with
another soul and creating an emotionally charged relationship.
Because when I imagine myself in the
next decade, I still envision myself living in a warm house with husband, and
eventually children. Maybe I just have
to try harder to break the layers and the lock that I’ve hid in me. I need
to try harder to let someone come close to me, to believe that I would not be
leave in the middle of the story, to start feeling again.