I’ve had my heart broken more than once. And that makes it hard for me
to trust again.
Even if my mind knows that not every
guy is the same, I still can’t shake the bad experiences I’ve had. I sometimes
wish my past didn’t affect my present so much, but it does, and I can’t help
it.
Everyone tells me that being in a
relationship requires a lot of courage, even quotes on the internet tells us
that relationship require taking the leap of faith but what they forget to tell
us is that each time the heart breaks, it becomes less courageous. It
involves getting through a lot of anxiety, and even if I’m willing to do it in
the beginning, it still eats me up inside out in the end.
My mind would convince me that I don’t
deserve the good things, that if I put myself out there, I’m putting myself at
risk of being in the wrong relationship, to expose myself to vulnerability, to
put myself back into darkness when he leaves. I might crave for it for a
moment, but I’ll hate it once someone tries to come close.
I doubt anyone would understand this
feeling, but here it is. The truth is not for them, but for me.