I was smiling at my phone one
evening after receiving a text, why do I
have the tendency to fall for emotionally unavailable people.
I wanted this. I was attracting this
no commitment communication. The
pattern was too obvious that I like how he never try to date me every week, how
we have conversation but never deep enough to dig in the wounds, how I could
crap the nonsense without thinking if he’s into me. The pattern is too obvious
that he’s emotionally unavailable and
I’m willing to linger in such toxic communication because the truth is, I ain’t any better.
I have always been attracted to men
who treated me like shit, who are almost always unavailable for me because as
much as they’re unavailable to me, I am unavailable to them too. I sometimes
left the conversation on read for days that I might have forgotten to text
back. I don’t give out on my contact number and/or added them as friend on
Social Medias. If we were anything, we were just strangers that talk.
This is my kind of unavailable
because it’s safe that you never have to invest into feelings, to share your
time or to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries. Our hours and days are
numbered, but we chose to spend them with each other and get back to our lives
without needing an explanation. I know
that THIS isn’t going to lead me to any Happily Ever After. I’m almost
thirty and I’m still doing things that my future self would curse me for.