I think I’ve lose my ability to cry. Life has hit me again and continuously over the past
weeks and yesterday I received another news that a friend who’s battling from
cancer might not take in any longer. I pass on the message to another friend
and she started crying. I have to say that she’s not as close as she was to her
than I was to her, yet news like these
could easily bring someone to tears.
Those thoughts have haunt me over and again, and I start to think that maybe I am mentally ill or maybe I’ve used up all the tears in the past or that I’ve to accept that there is pain in this world that is so unbearable that my body knows that not even crying is going to fix it. A pain that goes so deep that makes me feel so empty for a long time that I just lose all the tears.
I can feel how the lack of tears has been taking its toll on me; how it turns everything to dust, steals the colors around, bathes me in gray. I know that I should not force the tears and just because I cannot cry doesn’t mean that the pain isn’t there to feel. I should accept that sadness express itself in many ways, even when nobody can see the sorrow I eat inside myself, I remind myself I am still capable to feel. That even though I don’t show it on the outside, there is still a colossal storm on the inside.