Maybe there was a period where I did felt butterflies in my stomach, that my heart did skip a beat. I did get nervous at the thought of seeing him again, but the feelings didn’t last long enough. I eventually begin to grow comfortable with his presence instead – and I thought it’s okay to walk in a relationship without feelings. Little did I know that it’s in fact a beautiful thing to grow comfortable with a person, a milestone I should be excited to reach.
When my anxiety hits me I wanted to hide myself from the world, to withdraw from the story. However each time I tries to distant myself, he discover part of me that I wasn’t ready for the world to expose. As a writer, we want the world to read our story except the people whom we know personally. We do not want to be pitied, neither do we want to explain ourselves especially after anxiety hits us hard.
We will not be comfortable with the presence after knowing that a part of your privacy is being invaded. We no longer feel like home, we no longer feel like ourselves, and it just seems like we needed to hide ourselves, to deny everything even though they were truth. When a part of us are being discovered without being ready, it makes our hardest days even harder. They make your problems seems even larger, they make you breathless.
They will
encourage you to talk about it, to admit the reality about how you’re feeling,
but I guess that’s not how anxiety works. I guess when anxiety hits we just
need to hide back into our shell until we feel okay about the world and
ourselves. We do not need compassion, we
do need more love, we just need a little
more understanding and a lot more distance.