How could someone possibly fall far me? You only know the surface of me. You might have heard bits and pieces about the past and you assume that you could accept the future that I’ve still yet to discover. But the truth is, you don’t know the depths of the water that I have treaded and the demons that kept me up awake at night.
I’ve always put on the mask that my life seems perfectly well, that there’s no trouble that subsided me. I would not show the times when I am at my lowest. I question the idea of love people have tried to shower upon me because you barely even know who I am, how could you say that you love me? And indeed it wasn’t love because all it ever need is a single push to be lost in the space of time forever.
Just as life define, every person you meet in life changes you, defines you, creates the person you are today. But darling, this isn’t love, this is the well-refined version of me that has took me a decade to create. Before you, there were so many, many terrible times I had gone through. I am not saying that you do not go through life, but as normal human being, they go through the cycle of heart break, healing, letting go and moving on, yet for me it just felt like love is something I never get to learn all over again.
I’ve always
been the kind that linger by the surface; and if anyone tries to dig in deeper
I would’ve never gone into detail but just brushing off their curiosity. My past seems like an unspeakable subject,
any trigger of that would eventually lead me to stressed out, or worse a raging
storm. Or maybe I’m just too guarded to understand love. Love is such a deep
emotion, and until today I would question anyone who tries to come close to me,
I would doubt anyone who tries to love me because really, I barely even love
myself.