Maybe right now I need love. I need a man. Maybe I just want things that are wrong for me at the moment so that I can continue expanding my horizons, travel across different oceans and go on more dates without feeling I’ve to continue look back on another human being. Maybe I need to stop thinking on what kind of love I want and start accepting them.
I need to stop trying to find back my feelings and finally take the effort to open up my wounds and let them heal. I need to stop figuring out what my heart really needs and cleanse my heart from all the damage that I’ve caused and all the cracks I stabbed in it. I need to let someone love my heart the way I never knew how.
I need to stop being myself for everything, my own cheerleader, my own mentor, my own demon. I need to learn to let someone hold my hand, hug me to sleep, to let someone be my biggest fan. Maybe I just need to admit that I am a mess and needed someone to walk by my side to save me while I drown than to struggle by myself out in the cold. I need to finally accept that life keep sending me guys after guys for a reason, that it hope that I could finally learn to open up my heart.
Even though I’m
the only one who knows how deep my wounds are, I might not be the one that
knows how to heal. I need to stop thinking I need to work on the relationship
with myself and finally let someone in to help mend the broken pieces, to reshape
myself, to redeem myself. I need to finally learn how to live with having
someone close to my heart and/or my body. I know I can live with myself
forever, I just need to figure out how to make the most beautiful and most
meaningful relationship of my life.