The doctor held up the syringe and asked, “Are
you ready?”
“No”, my voice trembles a little as my eyes
stare into the needle.
She laughs a little and reply, “Me too! But
let’s get this over with.”, she bluntly replied to me.
I don’t think anyone would ever be totally
ready for life, especially for love. No one is truly ready for the
freedom or the time that needs to be given up and the challenges that come with
getting to know another person; the fights, the sacrifices, the obstacles and
having to adapt to someone else’s habits or accept the differences.
All these years I have never wanted the
attention, the butterflies, the passion, the hard work to put into a
relationship to make it work, I never know what I can do with myself again if I
get heartbroken for the third time. That’s why I have only dated casually so
that I never have to promise on anything, I never have to feel anything so
deeply. I always thought that if I don’t feel, I don’t get hurt.
But there’s a little part in me on the quietest
night that craves someone to talk to at night, someone who can understand us
when we barely even understand ourselves, someone who would brighten up our
rainy days. Someone who we can trust our naked soul with. I sometimes think
that we need someone who knows how to clam down the storms within our hearts
and shelter us from the noise of the world and the noise of our own thoughts.
The truth is I was afraid of falling in love
all over again, but just like the vaccine the first one was painful, but as you
learn to deal with the pain, the second dose became less painful, and you
eventually just get toxic or immune on the third dose. I will never be ready for love,
but I need someone like the doctor who would ignore my anxiety and just hold on to me
and never let go.