Love can often be like waiting for a train to arrive and then suddenly realizing you're standing on the wrong platform.
Let me start by saying one thing: this isn’t
love; it’s more of a stumble than a fall. Hell, I don’t even know if I
should label all my past relationships as relationships. I thought I was in one,
or I was hoping there’s going to be a change in me somewhere down the road, and
I like to tell myself that I’ve tried my best. I guess when someone says he
loves me I held unto a higher, unfair standard, thinking that it’s a fairy-tale
that he would always be there even when my anxiety kicks in.
Right now, I don’t even crave being in love,
not from that very moment I chose to end our relationship. I won’t lie, there
wasn’t an immediate feeling of attraction towards you. You were just another
guy I met online, and I was so excited to be starting this new chapter of my
life that I wasn’t at all concerned about finding someone. But then you express
your interest in me; we texted, we talked, we held hands and cuddle for movies
in your apartment. And then you kissed me, I felt awkward.
All I ever remember was my anxiety starts to
kick in soon after and never learn to recover from it until today. 2021 has
been like a wave of tsunami, flooding me with waves that I kept finding a place
to breathe. I saw a little peek on your birthday, it’s been almost 3 months (or 15 months now) and
I still remember your birthday. Don’t worry because I remember all my ex-es
birthdays. I wasn’t in love with you, but somehow, I still felt my heart
break knowing that I wasn’t worth fighting.
Happy Birthday Pisces date.