I remember waiting at the Hot Air
Balloon fiesta for you where I’m at the urge of breaking apart, we could have
brought our friendship to the next level, that’s a decade back, I was
twenty and ready for a relationship. But fate never brought us together,
because I miss your message and you did not turn up that night, you got into another
relationship not long after that.
It’s okay I think, maybe some things
weren’t meant to be perfect. I’m not even sure you felt the same about me, but
we did find each other. It will never cease to amaze me on how I crossed path
with everyone in my life, and I thought I was ready for anything. I thought I could
accept love in its most glorious form, and so I did. It wasn’t long where I
find myself in a relationship, and the next relationship. But I didn’t know that there were still things I needed to heal myself
from after breaking up with someone.
For a moment I wonder why we crossed
each other path over and again throughout the decade. Yet you were always too
quick to move on to another relationship, you were so brave, but I’m
sorry, I wasn’t. I thought that every
hurt I went through taught me how to care of myself more, or to love myself
more. I was getting there, but I didn’t realize, I wasn’t there yet. Each
time the familiar feeling creeps in, I
am reminded how I was not good enough.
As I continued to battle with my
anxiety, I sat there crushed with my own thoughts. Time is something that has
proven us we were not meant to be. There are people that you thought you needed
but isn’t the right person to grow old with. Love isn’t only blind, it’s also foolish, stupid and unrelenting! But
my dear friend, you deserve the best. And
that isn’t me.