I miss him. I waited for the weekend just so
that I could have him hug me all over again. But here I am looking for myself
in the mirror unable to say what I so desperately wanted to say. You called me,
silently waiting for my presence, but I am afraid to take just that little step
forward, and so did you. I knew that your arms around me would smother the
flames, and that your fingers walking over me would reignite them in a completely
different way.
But I have anxiety, so I swallow all the words inside
of me and ignore the fact that I don’t know when I am able to see you again. The
funny thing is that I had clear off all my schedules just to hang out with you.
I would have told you that I want you, and that ever since you left all that I
can think about is your body against mine.
I would have told you on how hard
life has hit me recently, but I knew you wouldn’t be interested to hear them. I
would have told you that I have miss you since you were transferred away from
work since last June. I would have told you that you had awakened something
in me that I had previously thought I wasn’t capable of feeling. I would
have told you that I miss the awkward silence we shared but the soul I needed
to presence to calm my raging storm.
I’d constantly give into you because
I thought that you made me feel something. I’d allow you to walk all over me
because I’d rather have your footprints on my heart than to feel nothing at
all. What I am doing is toxic, but I didn’t try to stop it. Seeing you the
other day sparked some of that heartbeat inside my soul again, when I thought I
couldn’t feel. I’ll never admit I miss you because I shouldn’t but just between
us, I think part of me already did.