How interesting it is where you only
have the groom sit in your house the day before and after his wedding day? Rather I find it a sad situation,
where loyalty doesn’t even define relationships this day. I guess this is why I
never want to put myself into a relationship long before that. I’m still an
active participant of the casual dating scene, it’s not something I try to
hide. I’d like to think that I’m in the process of finding my other half as
narrate in my journal.
The truth is the right one has come
and go too many times and I’m just not emotionally ready to let myself commit
all over again. I give myself excuses saying that I’m going to leave the
country one day. I set my sights on the future that I often forget to live in
the present which can sometimes be shitty, but that’s just where I’m at in
life. In theory, I should have accepted all the guys that is trying to win me
over, they all provide me with more attention than I couldn't give back in this
lifetime. But I didn’t.
Rather I go after the toxic, the
emotionally unavailable, the weird ones. One day we could be texting and the
next time you know it would be the following month. I would receive random
invites to grab drinks for which I would deny time and time again. Yet his
weirdness and lack of emotions made me wonder why I felt a connection. In more
ways than one, he was the wrong guy. I couldn’t explain the connection,
but I like it that way. I like the wrong guy; the no commitment and I am
totally OK with it.
I won’t ask someone to pick up my
pieces, but that’s the sad reality that I can’t change in me. It isn’t because
I can’t accept the good guy, it might be because I’m the wrong girl to be gifted
the good guy.