I’ve been busy over the past two years even when the pandemic has paused our lives every few months. I never even had the time to look into myself, to sort out my feeling over my break-up or mourn over the loss over a good friend. I am not trying to distract myself and hide myself from feelings, I just didn’t have the time to get to myself, just yet.
But I don’t know why even on my happiest days, I still look sad, that even on my busiest days, I still go home and sleep alone in an empty bed, that even I have everything in the world, I still want to leave this country and start anew. I knew I have been numb from feelings all along, little did I know being “busy” deepens the wound more.
I’ll never forget how easily someone can move on from you even how much he told me he fell for me. I will never know how it feels like to move on from another human being. I do not want to stay busy, I need to, so that I do not truly feel when I’m not busy anymore, or how I truly feel before I go to sleep.