The past decade I learn to dust
myself off, get back up whenever I get knock down by life. Except the part of
opening my heart again. I often refused to let another human being come close
to me. I warn them how a raging storm I could be and that I needed everyone to
stay at least 6-feet apart from me. When you get your heartbroken when you
were young, you heal faster because that’s how our body works.
But as you age and get heartbroken,
you don’t really find the courage to open up again. I tell myself that I have
not heal and moved on, but the truth is, I am just afraid to get hurt again. I
wouldn’t say I have love greatly, but I remember having very strong feelings
leading me up to life lessons and personal changes and a whole lot of self-revelation.
So, when I try to love again all these years, I find myself incapable to
love. I find myself drowning in anxiety all the time when I’m close to
love.
Yet lately, I find my body craving
to be close to someone. The feeling is like I want to love like I’m new to this
thing called love. It’s like I have long forgotten about my heart has
been wounded. I want to feel that feeling that nothing else ever existed in
this world. I want to know what it feels like to have someone on my mind all
the time, to be excited to see someone, to miss that someone the moment we say
goodbye. I want to love like two kids in love who have no idea what love is.
I don’t know how we were so far apart, yet life manage to bring us together. I want to find a reason for me to stay, I want to find a reason for me to stop giving me the excuses to fall in love. I want to try to walk into love one more time, not with anyone, but you.